Miss Fabulous Herself

I may be too crazy to have a boyfriend.

2009-03-18T12:23:00.002-04:00

Happy belated St. Patrick's Day everyone!! I hope you all threw back some Guiness while I slaved away at work.

So, last night after my traditional Irish feast with the family and a quick workout I had planned on a nice, quiet evening at home with BF finishing movies he insisted on renting over the weekend. I partied a little hard this weekend and was quite content with skipping out on the St. Pat's festivities. Yesterday afternoon he informs me he is going to happy hour and invites me along. I decline, and ask him if he wants to adjust our plans so that I can adjust the rest of my night - he says no.

Fast forward to 7:30 when I am getting out the shower and into my pjs (he was supposed to come over at 8) when he texts, tells me he is too drunk to drive home and let's link up tomorrow, hope that's ok. Like hell that's ok. So, since he was at maproom, and so were my girlfriends, and since there is no way I am sitting at home by myself after I had planned my whole night around him I text him to tell him I am coming out. He is fine with this. When I got there things were awkward though. I was just so annoyed that I couldn't hide it. I clung to my girls and tried to have a great time with them.

He felt awful (b/c I was doing a great job of making him feel awful) about the whole situation.

I really don't care about him hanging out with his friends. I trust him 100%. He goes to happy hour with his friends or co-workers 1-2 times a week. He works downtown - that's what you do. I was just so annoyed with the sudden change in plans. I took it really personally and it was like I was having flashbacks of Donald Trump and every other asshole I've dated.

Of course after a long talk during the ride home, followed up by an apology phone call, various apology texts and some emailing today I feel like I really overreacted. While pretty cool in most situations the Type A in my personality constantly fights to get out and some of that is reflected in my obsession with scheduling my day. I don't like sudden changes. Also, I realize that part of the reason why I was so bummed is that I really was looking forward to seeing him.

Whatever the case things are fine now. After 2 months of seeing each other I figure stuff like this is bound to happen. It's really hard to adjust to a "good" guy after years of dating assholes. It's like I just expect him to treat me like shit. (Yeah, you can call me Captain Crazy.)

♥ Miss Fabulous

So are you like official official?, Relationship Retardation, and Rotting Eggs

2009-03-05T09:48:00.004-05:00

Yes, it's true. BL is now officially BF. I'm still getting used to being with a guy who is genuinely nice. I now realize that my "fears" that BF was initially "too nice" come from the defensive attitude I've developed over the past 3 years of dating assholes. He is very nice, but it's very sincere. Last weekend we went out drinking and I got to meet some of his oldest friends who were all very nice as well and who I got along with fabulously. Tonight BF is coming over and we are making dinner again. Well, actually he is making dinner - I'm making the salad. We are volunteering together Saturday morning with Legal Aid giving free legal advice and later that night we are going to a concert with his sister and her bf. So far everything feels right and good and I'm incredibly happy. I'm still very cautious though - it will take awhile before I trust any guy 100%.

In other news I was having sushi with the girls last night when one of my friends who I haven't talk to in awhile told me her bf had recently dumped her. Apparently he told her that he felt that his 30's were for focusing on his family life and his 20's were for focusing on his career. He is 25 has recently become an attorney and has a great job. I'm not sure if he just used this bs as an excuse to dump her or if he's being serious. One of my girls thinks he's just "relationship retarded." I think if he truly is putting himself on time-lines like that he is generally retarded. I just don't see how the two are mutually exclusive. The girl he dumped, a third year law student herself, understands the pressures and demands of the legal field. She understands working late, being stressed out and needed alone time. If he is going to totally write off relationships for 5 years simply because of this belief I think he will be missing out on a lot. Does anyone else have a time line for themselves? I have another lawyer friend who insisted on being married before she turned 26. She found a guy on match, married him a year later and now they are getting divorced. I just don't think you can force these things.

In related news I have a very interesting family. My Mom's youngest brother has 3 step-children under the age of 25 and 1biological daughter who is 19. Between the 4 children only one is married and they collectively have 9 children. One of the step-daughters has 3 different baby daddys for her 4 children. While I think everyone in the family agrees that this is not an ideal situation (financially or otherwise) no one judges them. My Grandma who is very conservative (Italian, Catholic, etc.) has always treated those 9 children as her own great-grandchildren and has never once judged my cousins for their decisions. Well, my Grandma and Grandpa were out to dinner with my Uncle and his wife (the parents of the baby makers) and my Uncle's wife was going on about why I haven't had children and "what is Miss Fabulous going to wait until she's 30?" No joke. Apparently I didn't realize that my eggs are rotting as I write this. How can someone who has 4 children with GEDs and welfare children judge me when no one in the family judges her. It just blows my mind. I don't care if I have my first child when I'm 40, or not at all. I'm not going to settle for second best just to get married for the sake of being married, or just to get knocked up b/c I'm getting "old." Ridiculous. It just amazes me what people will say to make themselves feel better about their situations.

[end rant]

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I know my fellow Clevelanders will - enjoy the warm weather!! :)

♥ Miss Fabulous

Baggage.

2009-02-25T14:35:00.003-05:00

While I am really into the new guy and am excited about the prospect of being in a happy and serious relationship for the first time in 3 years - I have some baggage. As one can imagine, a lot of "baggage" can accumulate in one's life as a single 20 something over the course of 3 years.

There are a few unresolved minor heart breaks (you know, the ones that never got "closure"), there are those hot out of towners that you hook up with just when they are in town, and there are those guys, like East 4th, who are hot, amazing in bed, and who text at random moments (you know, those moments when you are feeling down and need a guy to treat you like a goddess for a few hours, cuddle and send you on your way). Well last night I was hanging out with BL and I got a text from East 4th inquiring about my Mardi Gras plans. Little does he know that my Mardi Gras plans included making dinner with BL, watching Flight of the Conchords and having hours of steamy new relationship sex. Can anyone fill me in on the correct response for such a text? I chose to ignore because I don't feel like I owe him anything. I also didn't want BL to wonder who I was secretly texting.

Anyways, it made me briefly think of all the randoms in my life and what I would be giving up as a non-single lady. I suddenly realized that I wouldn't be missing much at all. This is how I know that I'm definitely ready for a realtionship with this guy. I'm just unsure of how to tie up all of the loose ends. Am I expected to send out a mass text announcing my relationship? Or perhaps I should just delete the numbers entirely from my phone. I'm not worried about temptation, I'm just worried about the bad chi that having all of that baggage around could cause. I'm also worried about having to explain late night texts/phone calls. That could be awkward. Oh, my life as a recovering dating disaster/whore.

♥ Miss Fabulous

Laziness.

2009-02-19T10:44:00.003-05:00

This is the reason why I have failed to blog lately. Laziness. I apologize for the delay. Also, my dating life has become quite boring now that I'm regularly dating BL. We are pretty much a couple. My first potential relationship in 3 years is very scary! BUT, it's also exciting and fun all at the same time.

Here are some updates:
V-day: BL picked me up, insisted on coming up to get me and brought me roses and a bottle of champagne. Then we went to Bella's house for a pre-dinner gathering. Then, off to dinner at Touch with about 8 other people. The food was amazing! BL got on famously with my friends and their dates. It was a great time. Then home to drink the champagne and partake in other v-day related festivities. I have to tell you that the sex with BL is amazing. This is refreshing especially after my last few experiences. I also really feel like we have a connection and that makes it more passionate and fun.

Pres Day: Since I'm a government employee I was off this past Monday. BL is a very busy trial lawyer so he was not supposed to be off but decided to play hooky and spend the day with me anyways. It was great. We had lunch, got coffee, walked at edgewater and went book shopping like the nerdy lawyers we are. Don't we sound like a couple?

Yesterday I had birthday sushi with a bunch of friends and I invited him but he's been working late all week. Instead of just declining he invited me to stop by his office beforehand so he could show me around and so we could grab a quick cup of coffee. I just think it's so nice of him to try to make time for me even if it's brief. He also did this last Friday when I had evening plans with the girls but found myself having to file a motion at the Justice Center downtown in the afternoon. He made a point of escaping from the office to grab a quick coffee with me. I think it's just cute.

So I think things are looking up in the relationship department. I may, in the near future, need to change the whole premise of the blog. Recovered dating disaster attempts stable, normal relationship? Sounds interesting enough.

♥ Miss Fabulous

Boyfriend material?

2009-02-09T12:24:00.003-05:00

Happy news to report! I got a new laptop! Admittedly, I am typing this at work right now, but it's still nice to have something other than my iPhone at home to access the web. It's been a long time since I've been without a home computer for 2 weeks. Anyways, I got the new aluminum 13" macbook and I ♥ it so far!

Ok, so now for the good stuff. It seems like 2 out of the 3 match.com potentials have officially fizzled out. Mr. Officer has been leaving me random facebook messages but no longer texts or calls. Weird. Also, MBA/CPA guy sent me an email on Saturday about possibly meeting up. An email? Honestly? On the weekend? Next.

Now, BL on the other hand - different story. Things are going well - very well - so well that it's almost scary. He may in fact be boyfriend material.

Friday - he made me dinner. It was really good. Then we went to a party hosted by his co-worker and I got to meet the partners in his firm and a bunch of people. It was fun. Saturday, I had girls night and he lives close to downtown so he offered a ride home if I needed. He was out at dinner with a friend and then went home to do some work. (The life of a Plaintiff's lawyer.) I had planned on getting a cab but I got way more drunk than expected at map and liquid and the thought of finding a cab at 2am was daunting. So I called him. When I got into his car he told me it was like I was drugged. I was fine at first and then I was just out of it. He had to pull over so I could puke out the door and he took me home and put me to bed where I puked on myself again so he put me in the tub and changed my sheets and put me back in bed. If that's not all he made me breakfast in the morning and stayed with me until 1:30 the next afternoon to make sure I was ok. Classy. I was soooo embarassed! Believe it or not I never get that sloppy drunk! I think I just got excited b/c it was the first time in awhile many of my law girls were out.

For the record when I say I'm not sure how I got so drunk I mean it. I only spent $10 and my friend "Bella" who I thought was buying my drinks only spent $10.

Anyways, what a great guy. I'm starting to really like him and this weekend he pretty much functioned as a bf. This is very scary to me b/c it's been 3 years since I've had a real bf. I also have only been seeing BL for a couple weeks now. I told him I like to take things slowly. I guess we'll just see how things go. The girls and I are planning a group Valentine's date at Momocho for couples and singles alike. I invited BL and he seemed pretty excited about it.

I really just wish there was a crystal ball for relationships that would let you know in advance if it was going to end in disaster. Wouldn't that make life oh-so-easier?

♥ Miss Fabulous

More updates!

2009-02-03T11:16:00.007-05:00

I really hate to be so brief but I am crazy busy at work right now. I'm going laptop shopping Friday but I can't keep ya'll in suspense until then now can I? My love life in a nutshell:

Mr. Officer: Not much to report. This is very disappointing. Nothing but random meaningless texts all weekend. The last text I received at 2:48 am early Sunday morning said [Miss Fabulous]! so I wrote back [Mr. Officer]! first thing in the morning when I woke up. Not sure what that meant so I sent him a text last night that simply read, "You don't call me anymore = :(". He called me immediately. He informed me that "phone devices work both ways." Is he right? Should I have called him? I mean we've only hung out twice. I think the ball is still in his court as far as phone calling goes, ESPECIALLY since he is the one with the crazy sleep/work schedule. I've done my part by responding to texts and sending him a good luck text for his Friday soccer game. I am really just thinking the maturity level is not there. Boo.

BL: Lolita on Saturday was amazing. The food was great and I think we really had a good time. We went to Market Ave after for another glass and not only would he not let me pay for a thing but he insisted on dropping me off and picking me up at the door so I wouldn't have to walk in the snowy cold as there was no valet at Market Ave. Now this is where it gets interesting.... he has not only invited me to a party on Friday where several of his co-workers and partners from his firm will be (and they are "so excited" to meet me) but he has invited me to lunch on President's Day b/c I told him I was off of work. Planning dates two weeks in advance is a bit scary to someone who's last situation revolved around last minute dates and overall lack of enthusiasm. Maybe it's something I just need to get used to.

Luke: No, don't worry, you haven't missed anything. Luke is not a love interest (yet) but rather the new Br♥mantical interest of Brody Jenner. Yes, I predicted it. I'm so happy he won. I know it means absolutely nothing but I can't help but feel proud that I actually predicted a reality TV win from the get go. I think this was the first ever. In case you missed last night's season finale of Br♥mance, Andy at Wild ARS Chase always comes through with a great play by play.

♥ Miss Fabulous

Quick update

2009-01-29T11:37:00.003-05:00

Not having a computer at home is really cramping my style. I do have some updates to share. BL had to cancel our Tuesday dinner/CAVS plans. He got really sick on Monday. Although this was highly unnecessary he insisted meeting me at Starbucks Tuesday evening for tea/coffee on his way home from the doctor. I think just to prove to me that he wasn't trying to blow me off. He also invited me to dinner Saturday. We're going to Lolita and that's all I know so far. Sounds good to me. Things are going well but he's already piling it on rather thick. This may just be his style and/or I'm just used to guys who like to play games and act like assholes.

I also hung out with Mr. Officer again Monday night. He, on the otherhand, is very hard to read. We have fun hanging out but I don't get any vibes that he is interested in dating. He seems very.... 24. He informed me the other night that he just booked a trip to New Orleans in late February for Mardis Gras with his buddy. His facebook status was consequently updated to something announcing his trip and also something along the lines of "boobies, boobies, boobies". Classy. I mean, he's 24 so what else should I expect? I might be putting him in the friend zone. I mean it doesn't hurt to have friends who are police officers, right?

I also have been texting/emailing with MBA/CPA but nothing to report. He sent me a random email two days ago that went something along the lines of "Hey, haven't talk to you in a couple days - what's new?" I wrote back, "Hey, nothing new here. Everything is good. I'm having a busy week at work and I can't stand the weather!" "How are you?" and nothing since then. I don't know if he is waiting for me to make a move and ask him out or something but I don't work like that. At least unless I know that I'm already possibly interested - but with this guy there is just nothing so far.

I just have to keep reminding myself that I met all 3 of these guys on match.com. Sigh.

♥ Miss Fabulous

When it rains, it pours...

2009-01-26T13:21:00.004-05:00

Once again, the old addage holds true. When it rains, it pours. I'm talking about boys of course. So after I had a great date with Mr. Officer Thursday I almost didn't even want to get coffee with BL (aka Blond Law) on Saturday even though his email invite was really sweet. So, we met for coffee and chatted for a couple hours. He invited me to dinner and a CAVS game Tuesday and I agreed because I absolutely love going to games.

Later in the day he texted to make sure that I got a big TV moved alright. I had told him earlier in the day about going to my Grandparents to help them set up their new TV and steal their old one. I told him I had and then he inquired about my evening plans. I told him I was staying in with BFF playing rockband and drinking wine (nerds). I invited him to be polite but he was into it and asked if he could bring friends. So we ended up having a big party at BFF's.

BL and I went up to my place to watch a movie to finish out the night and he totally put the moves on me 5 minutes in. Yes, he did stay the night but I am happy to report that the panty glue is still holding strong! (This has to be some sort of record!)

So now I have this big dillema of being interested in 2 cute guys at once. And this after I've long since sworn off lawyers, law school boys, and all forms of law enforcement. I suppose it's not much of a dillema. I just have to remember how to juggle. I've lost my skills. Mr. Officer's schedule is so messed up b/c he works nights that it's almost impossible to schedule anything with him.

I also think BL might be coming on a bit strong. Granted I have technically known him for a few years since we were classmates but I hope he realizes that I like to take things slow. I have a feeling he's definitely looking for something serious.

I might hang out with Mr. Officer tonight even though it will greatly interfere with my Monday TV watching routine ie. Bromance. I'm not sure if he's worth it.

♥ Miss Fabulous

Operation panty glue = huge success!

2009-01-26T13:18:00.002-05:00

(Written 1/23/2009 - but delayed due to laptop FAILure)

Well, my date with Mr. Officer went fabulously well last night. So much so that it was very hard to keep my panties the whole time, but alas the glue held. And while I don't think there really is any such product such as "panty glue" there is definitely a market for it (in my pants at least) and someone should get right on that. So the date started like any other, he picked me up and to my surprise he had brought a bottle of wine, as a gift. He said he didn't want to "come empty handed" and he knew I like Pinot Noir (he listens when I talk?). Granted, he really couldn't pronounce "noir" and he drives a pick-up truck (yes seriously, but it's a pretty new and fairly clean extended cab variety) but so far so good.

So, we travel to wine bar and grab a table right by the fireplace. I choose a bottle and we chit chat. Of course the first few minutes were a bit awkward, but soon we started chatting as easily as we had on the phone earlier in the week. When we were done he suggests another bottle, and I agree b/c well he's an officer of the law and I was taught to respect the law.

Then we leave, but I suggest we take in a movie at my place and open the bottle of wine he brought over (why wouldn't we?). So he pours the glasses and I search on Demand and settled on "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" which he hasn't seen. Well, about 2 minutes into the movie he kisses me. It was a really great kiss. I could feel the panty glue melting. We managed to keep it to first base though and I soon fell asleep right on my couch (a bottle of wine will do that to a girl). He must have helped me to bed and I find out this morning that he stayed up pretty much all night watching TV (he works nights) and he joined me in bed for only a couple hours before my alarm went off at 7am. So, while we did have a sleepover, I am just very proud of myself that I didn't have sex with him b/c I am really try not to be so much of a whore (no offense to my fellow whores of course).

So that went well. Maybe next time we can do dinner or something that doesn't involve quite so much alcohol.

♥ Miss Fabulous

"Operating System not found"

2009-01-26T13:10:00.003-05:00

This is currently what my precious little baby Sony laptop says when I turn it on. Do you think that's bad? Ha. I think it's rebelling against me for all of those times I have dropped it on the floor or stepped on it. Anyways, I have so much to update it's ridiculous! I even have a post I started at work on Friday that I had hoped to get out Friday night. So, please bear with me dear friends as I try to relay my crazy weekend dating stories.

In related news I am considering purchasing one of the new MacBooks instead of sinking a few hundred into laptop repair considering I don't need data recovery and the thing is 3 years old and has been through a lot. I've become an Apple addict since having the iPhone. Does anyone have one?

♥ Miss Fabulous

Well, at least he won't steal my shit.

2009-01-22T15:52:00.006-05:00

So, tonight is the big date with Mr. Officer. I think we're just going to do drinks over on my side of town. I may even invite him over for Rockband after at BFF's - I mean he is somewhat of a stranger, but at least he won't steal anything - right? :)

The happy hour event where I was supposed to meet up with Blond Law is not going to happen for me because of a last minute family obligation. I just emailed him. I suggested maybe a future happy hour date. We'll see what he thinks.

I talked on the phone (yes, with sound and everything!) last night with MBA/CPA for over an hour last night. One of the topics we spent the most time on? Women's purses and shoes. He claims he is an "expert". I'm thinking either he is A) gay, B) a sugar daddy in training or C) a really good son. He emailed today to tell me how much he enjoyed our conversation. No talk of any possible date, but that's fine - it's obvious he likes to take baby steps (possibly in pink patent leather peep toe manolos).

No, seriously, this is my life. I'm not making any of this up.

♥ Miss Fabulous

My 3 day online dating adventure.

2009-01-21T16:01:00.003-05:00

So, I know Famously Single is going to hate me for this, or at least think I am mediocre looking or weird, but homegirl can't help but be curious! It's been over a year since my last brief match.com stint so I decided to give it another whirl. See, they have this 3-day trial membership, where you can cancel by the end of the 3rd day and not have to pay a dime, so I figured that I would just cruise for normal guys and bail if nothing looked promising. Well, similar to my last experience I realized that match.com is full of creepsters. I even saw many of the same faces I saw last year! (Actually, that's what some of them probably think about me!) Surprisingly I only found 3 people I knew in real life, and have only slept with 2 of them. I did, however, find 3 potential dates.

One of the guys, Blond Law, is a law school colleague who graduated a couple years before me and I never really knew him very well. He actually emailed me and we've chatted a bit. We are both going to an alumni happy hour Friday so we'll see if anything pans out.

I also connected with Mr. Officer, and supposedly we are going to go out tomorrow. I've talked to him a few times on the phone for more than an hour each time. Now, I know what you are thinking.... cops get a bad rap for either being assholes or crazy cheating whores. For the record I briefly dated a police officer - and he was a really nice guy even though it never developed into a relationship. The thing is that it's so easy for me to talk to cops because I dabble in criminal prosecution at work and I work with the police all the time. I know the lingo and can empathize over having to deal with crazy criminals. Bad news is that he is only 24 (that's 12 in boy years) but he's super tall and cute, so we'll see what he's like in person. I told him I would meet him for drinks. (Bonus: he also plays Rockband.)

The 3rd guy I met, MBA/CPA (because his email address is [initials]_mba_cpa@gmail.com) is not looking as good as the first two. I just can't put my finger on it. He seems a bit strange and is phone-a-phobic. He asked for my number, and I told him to give me a call, and yet he opted to text. He also facebooked me (got my name from my email) and told me he's a texting addict. I know Always a Bridesmaid has something to say about guys like that! It was also an awkward conversation. The more I think about it I might just nip it in the bud and not even agree to a date (that is, if he should ask me - via text of course).

Of course, I'll update accordingly as these potential dates play out.

♥ Miss Fabulous

Operation Man Hunt = Fail.

2009-01-19T11:17:00.005-05:00

So, the first operation man hunt of the year didn't really yield success. First, my friend and I went to PJ McIntyre's in West Park. We never go out there so it was something new. The crowd there is very diverse in age. We found a spot at the bar to order drinks and were immediately prowled upon by a 50 year old gentlmen who was wearing a claddaugh ring on his wedding ring finger but told us he was divorced. He then gave my friend the MGD 64 t-shirt he had gotten for free from the MGD 64 girls who were wandering the bar. After doing a couple laps, we only saw a couple hot guys and they were with girls. So we decided to brave the snow again and head next door to West Park Station where my other friend was there with her bf and another couple.

While at West Park Station we ran into one of our old law school colleague's ex bfs. So my friend tried to make a move with this guy who was decent while his creepy friends accosted me. They were from a different world. I don't even know how to describe it, but just not my type. I decided to turn around and talk to the couples instead.

Meanwhile, this guy came over to me. An all too familar face. I'm going to call him the Creepster, b/c as his name suggests, he is the ultimate creepster. My one friend and I met him out on W6th one night. They made out, and he ended up driving us home. There was just something creepy about him. My friend never called him back. A few weeks later I saw him again at Ultra and he was by himself just staring at me and my friends. He followed us all through Ultra. When the bars closed we ran to Paninis to get a slice and he followed us there too. He was standing inches away from me when my one friend turned around and yelled at him "Leave her the fuck alone!" Anyways, he came up to me at West Park Station and was like, "Hi, I'm [the Creepster], what's your name?" And so I say, "Yes [Creepster] I know who you are, and you know who I am." He says, "I didn't do anything with your friend." I say "I know" and I gave him the look of death. Needless to say he quickly retreated to the other side of the bar, where I noticed he was, as always, completely by himself. Get some friends, creepy. Honestly.

So, we decide to leave West Park Station, and my friend was hinting to the guy she was talking to that she would love to talk to him some other time. But, he didn't ask for her number. She was very disappointed but I told her that perhaps he has a gf or something. Who knows.

Next, we traveled to Around the Corner which was pretty busy considering the weather. We grabbed some waters and settled into a booth. Man hunting is hard work. Then across the room we spot Mr. Dreamy. He is the current bf of one of our friend's friends. He is, as his name suggests, dreamy. This is the second time in two weeks I've seen him out and about- and both times sans gf. (If I was dating that I would never let it out of my sight!) So, in a very obnoxious and obvious way my friend and I positioned ourselves for prime viewing. Staring. Very rudely. I felt bad but friend assured me that Mr. Dreamy must get eye fucked all. the. time.

For the record, I think he noticed the staring a bit b/c he made a point of coming over to say goodbye to us when he left. Just rub it in, asshole. With no one left to stare at, we went home.

Oh well, there is always next weekend.

♥ Miss Fabulous

Oh no he didn't!.com

2009-01-16T21:48:00.003-05:00

So, as a follow up to my post earlier this week regarding online dating I've been sorta lurking around match.com tonight deciding whether or not to unhide my year old profile - just checking out the selection, ya know? Well, anyways, who do I see but The Russian! Yes. That disaster. Apparently he is single and looking. In fact he has been active on his profile within the last 3 days. The problem is he has been "in a relationship" since September. And, by the looks of it (of course I stalk!) it seems to be a fairly serious "I love you" situation.

Now, I like to always give people the benefit of the doubt, so maybe to save money (he was unemployed if you remember) he chose the 6 month option. Not only is it cheaper per month, but you get the 6 month guarantee if you don't find true love. (I wish every guy came with a warranty like that!) But, I mean honestly. He may have been an ass, but he's relatively intelligent, and you would think that he would hide his profile, or at least not go on it after he finds a girlfriend. This is such a red light!

Reminds me of a few weeks ago when my friends were looking at the girls on match.com and just happened upon our one girl friend who has been married for about a year and a half - "separated and looking for fun" - too bad her husband has no idea that they are "separated". My one friend was so embarassed for her that she called her immediately and told her to remove the profile and to stop being such a trashy whore. Honestly, if you are going to cheat on your significant other/husband, please use craigslist, or something a little more discreet.

I mean, I'm not friends with The Russian's girlfriend, (I don't even know her) but I feel bad for her. What if one of her BFFs or even a sister is looking for a man and comes across her bf advertising himself as available?! Poor girl. Now, that's all I'm gonna say about this because I'm 99% sure one of my readers/fellow bloggers is friends with this guy and I really don't want to start drama or hurt any feelings.

Something like this just really really makes me question whether I'll ever find a guy who isn't a piece of shit slime ball.

BTW, I did end up signing up. At least for the 3 day trial, because I found two normal looking guys. I have 3 business days to cancel my membership if they don't "wink back." Oh my life is sad.

♥ Miss Fabulous

Ok, so who turned off the heat?

2009-01-16T13:17:00.003-05:00

Anyone who knows me will tell you that in addition to dating disaster I am also a certified "freeze baby". I bundle up constantly, always have a blanket on my couch, turn my heat up as far as it goes, and I have a space heater under my desk at work. So as the current temperature in Cleveland is 2 degrees Farenheit and the wind chills are much colder than that it comes as no surprise that I am miserable. The drive this morning was awful. I saw at least 5 accidents during my 10.5 mile drive to work. They were all really bad ones too. Not because it's snowing or anything like that but because of the moisture on the roads turning to thin sheets of ice. Evidently road salt is not effective when it gets below a certain temperature. It was scary!

The nasty weather certainly puts a damper on my mood for the long weekend. I may stay in tonight altogether. I do have plans tomorrow night with a friend to go "man hunting". She specifically invited me because we usually make a good team. She's bringing the heavy artillery and I'm bringing the nets. I'm not sure where we're going yet but I'm sure by the end of the night we'll end up in the all too familar location. (Begins with map, ends with room.) I'll let you know if we capture anything worthwhile.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend!

♥ Miss Fabulous

Are you serious?

2009-01-13T22:03:00.003-05:00

So, tonight while I'm enjoying a lovely ladies night out with my favorites at La Dolce Vita (if you don't already know you have to check out a Tuesday there - you get a free entree - choose from a special menu of pasta or pizza for FREE when you buy a drink (even soda) and leave a mandatory $2 tip - even if you leave more than $2 you can eat for less than $10 - my friends and I shared a couple bottles of wine).

Anyways... I got a text. Not just any text... but a text from a random number not on my contacts list. It reads "Hey! It is [Clepto] from new years. Wanted to say hi and hope you are doing well." Mind you, since the iPod Touch has not shown up after 2 weeks and I hadn't heard from the dbag I know for sure he stole it. I seriously think that because he hasn't gotten arrested or anything in the past two weeks that he thinks that he must be in the clear like I didn't suspect him or something. (How do thieves think? I deal with them every day and I still don't get it.) So what do I say to that? My friends all suggested I outright confront him via text about it. I honestly just feel like that would be a big waste. So I say, "Are you serious? Please lose my number." The balls on that guy. Honestly. Who does that?

What would you say?

♥ Miss Fabulous

Things you are dying to know about me.

2009-01-13T15:08:00.006-05:00

(Or maybe not.) But, anyways, I stole these questions from Andy at Wild ARS Chase because they remind me of a glorified and somewhat more sophisticated MySpace survey. (You know, the ones written by high schoolers that I shamefully fill out and annoy my friends with when I'm bored.) So here goes:

1.) Who is the person you admire most and why? I actually have a whole list of people I admire, in no particular order:

My Grandmas - both of them - because they essentially raised me.
My Mother - because even though I never got a chance to really know her the way that people talk about her and how lovely a person she was makes me want to be a better person myself.
My BFF - she has had to deal with a lot in the past couple of years including the sudden death of her only serious bf who she had been dating for over 10 years. The fact that she can even get out of bed everyday let alone accomplish the things she has accomplished since then makes my dating troubles seem oh so silly and really inspires me.
Lauren Conrad - true she didn't have to do much to get picked to do Laguna Beach, but the fact that she has capitalized on that fortune to create not only The Hills spinoff, but a fashion label and basically a brand is amazing. I mean she might just have lucked out, but good for her. Also I think she is classy and beautiful, and she has slept with Brody Jenner - and that is reason enough for my admiration.
Wallis Simpson - a twice divorced American woman who finally found her prince charming despite King Edward VII of England having to abdicate the throne to marry her. Can you imagine having the hatred of an entire country focused on you because you want to marry a King and then you don't even get to become the freakin' queen. (Thankfully this will likely not be the case when Prince William proposes to me.)

2.) If you could have one superhero power, what would it be and why? Hmmmm.... I think I would want mind reading powers so that I could finally figure out what guys are thinking... but like every "super" power I'm sure that would get annoying and take all the "fun" out of the disaster that is my dating career. I probably don't want to know what they are thinking anyways.

3.) If you absolutely had to give up one thing you loved what would it be and why? Like Andy, I have certain things I cherish that I could never give up like my iPhone, my BFFs, my family, alcohol and ice cream. I guess if I had to give up something it would be Rockband. True, I would miss hitting the "world tour" with BFF and utilizing my sweet drum skills, but I would also be less of a nerd and get more sleep at night.

4.) If you weren't in the career you are in now what would you be doing? This is easy. If I wasn't practicing law I would probably still be into Social Work. I'm a sucker for needy and disadvantaged people. In fact I plan on finding a new pro-bono project to work on this Spring.

5.) If you could choose anywhere in the world to go where would it be and why? I really need to get back to Europe. I haven't been since circa 1997. I need to go to Paris, and Rome for sure. Those are #1 and #2 on my list.

♥ Miss Fabulous

Now that would make for an awkward family situation...

2009-01-12T15:44:00.003-05:00

Just a quick funny story from my uneventful weekend. My cousin was having a housewarming party complete with her long term bf's family. I was making conversation with his Mom and found out that his recently divorced uncle lives in my apartment building. Later his sister and I had a brief conversation that went like this:

Sister: So, you live in my Uncle's building?
Me: Yes.
Sister: Are you single?
Me: Yes.
Sister: He's so cute, you should totally meet him. He's 36 and has a daughter, but she lives with his ex wife. He has this girl friend right now who is 53 going on 70 - quite a cougar and...
Me: I think that might be weird.

Granted, my cousin and I are merely step cousins (though it's been that way since we were young children) I still think it would be a little strange (as if I'm even entertaining the idea) but the sister didn't think it was weird at all. This reminds me of the time when my other cousin was pushing me to date her now husband's little brother. It just seems creepy.

I mean I'm not that desperate... yet, am I?

♥ Miss Fabulous

The snow is really ruining my game.

2009-01-12T09:22:00.003-05:00

I know I have no right to complain because I've lived in Cleveland my whole life and I stay here by choice, but I still hate the snow. Every winter I dread the snow and cold. A whole weekend was just seriously destroyed because of the snow. Well, not really, but it definitely was not as fun as it could have been. I had a girls night Friday at my friend's house. The 5 minute drive home took at least 15 minutes. Saturday I stayed in all day and ventured out for a much needed trip to the gym even though the streets were still a nightmare. Saturday night my friends had a graduation party at Around the Corner which is very close to where I live and it was fun except that the whole rest of the bar was pretty much dead - a consequence of the blizzard I suppose. Subsequently, there is no news to report from dating world.

In somewhat related news, I am seriously considering re-upping my membership on an infamous online dating site. I online dated for about 4 months last year. I went on 2 dates total (and they were 2 guys I had already known in real life who found me online). Needless to say I wasn't too impressed with the selection. I like the idea of online dating but I have only met one person who it has actually "worked out" for, and needless to say my friends are (sadly) already taking bets on when that disaster of a marriage is going to end. Does anyone else date online/have a favorite site?

I don't know what it is - but I always get stir crazy this time of year.

♥ Miss Fabulous

Thank you.

2009-01-08T16:42:00.004-05:00

My blog buddy Maryx8815 at Mega Ramlings gave me one of those Honest Scrap awards and I think that was just oh so sweet of her. Her blog is hella cool BTW. (Mega - why can't I comment? I want to teach you how to use the link thing - it's right next to the button that changes text color BTW.) Anyways, I guess there are rules that go with this award. I have to share 10 honest things about myself with you. This shouldn't be hard because I am always honest even if I'm not always clever, funny or nice. So here goes:

I was in Model United Nations in high school and I'm not ashamed. It was fun, and we got excused from class to go to competitions. Judge me, I dare you.

I've never gone all the way with a married man, but I've come close, and I still feel bad about it. (I'm not judging anyone who has, but it's just not for me.)

I have a younger sister who has special needs. She has mild cerebral palsy and various developmental disabilities. Even though she doesn't talk or understand most of what I say I love her for opening my eyes to special people and teaching me a tolerance and understanding for special needs people.

I'm sure I'll write about this more in the future, but sometimes (read: a lot of times) I regret breaking up with The One. I think at the time I made a pretty convincing case for it, but I'm really scared deep down that he really was The One and that I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I've slept/hooked up with 3 sets of brothers (not at the same time!) Sometimes I worry that makes me a horrible person.

I'm ashamed of my number. You know, the NUMBER. I actually have to use an Excel spreadsheet to keep it all straight. I feel better knowing that I keep things safe, but still. If asked about the NUMBER by a guy I was into I would probably cut it in half, or even three fourths.

I spent my last 2 years of high school and my first 4 years of college thinking I was going to be a social worker. I was going to get my Masters in Social Work after college, but I had to go an extra year to finish some stuff up and it was at the beginning of that year I decided to take the LSAT. It cost me $200 to register for the test and that was it. Before I even took the test I was committed to law school.

I almost totaled my car when it was only 6 days old. I was 17 and had no business driving a brand new car. I didn't hurt anyone thank god, but I did $5000 in damage to this guy's car and $13000 to my own - I also got a ticket from it and I had to go to Juvenile Court. (I still drive this car today, BTW)

I am proud of my modest collection of Tiffany's jewlery. Granted, I don't have any diamonds yet, but I own a necklace, a bracelet, 2 pairs of earrings and 4 rings. ( I also still have all the blue boxes that they came in) I make it a point to find the Tiffany's store when I'm on vacation and pay it a visit. So far I've been in Tiffany's in Miami, West Palm, Chicago, Houston, Los Angeles (Rodeo Drive) and Las Vegas (Bellagio).

I am obssessed with dating books like "He's Just Not That Into You" etc. I'm currently reading "Be Honest, You're Not that Into Him Either" I will let you know how it is - so far I love it.

Well, that's about it. I think I'm also supposed to give the award out to 7 blogs that I think deserve it but I just can't pick 7 of my favorites. I love all the blogs I read. Feel free to copy and paste if you feel like spilling the beans and telling us 10 honest things about yourself!

♥ Miss Fabulous

I love my girls!

2009-01-08T09:35:00.004-05:00

I personally have never understood why there are some women who really do not get along with other women. Please don't be offended if you are one of those girls, I'm just being honest here and saying I don't understand. I've always been a girls' girl. Sure, women like drama - we cause drama, we breed drama, we sometimes enjoy the drama of others, etc. Women can also be moody, catty and bitchy - but there is something special about a bond between female friends that is so special.

Through the years I've always had a tight knit group of ladies by my side. In grade school there were 8 of us. Myself, my current BFF and 6 others girls that I went to school with K-8 at a small Catholic elementary in Cleveland. We called ourselves the "Munchichis" (after a popular cartoon from our youth) and were inseperable. At a time when I was a chubby and awkward child these girls really pulled me through - especially as I experienced tough times like the death of my mother and having to be raised by my grandparents.

In high school I couldn't help but make friends with great girls (all girls school) - the friends I made in high school were not the prettiest, the coolest or the most popular, but they were, for the most part, honest and sincere girls who made high school one of the better times in my life. I am still very close with 2 girls from my high school.

Now, college is a different story because I didn't have a traditional college experience. I moved out after high school and lived in an apartment with BFF. I went to school full time at a small private liberal arts university on Cleveland's eastside and I commuted. I was also working full time so I would arrange my classes such that there would be no time for long breaks in between and what little breaks I did have I would spend doing school work. For the first few years of college I was so busy and stressed out that I didn't put a lot of effort into any of my friendships and I went through some inner struggles, but my BFF and my highschool BFFs kept me sane, and I love them for it.

Enter law school. For those of you who have never gone to law school it is just like high school, but with more sex and alcohol. In your first year you have classes every day (5 total) and you share the classes with the same 75 people. It's like in grade school when your whole class would move to the room next door for a different subject. I was blessed to be stuck in a section with 9 girls who are not only smart and beautiful but who are really nice and super fun people. Somehow we lumped ourselves together and bonded instantly. Law school was the best time of my life due in large part to them. Sure, we've had high school drama. For instance, everyone in law school knows each other, we spend a million hours of week with each other, and then we socialize with each other. Therefore, people date around a lot within the school. This made for some interesting situations with guys especially when your girl friends are gorgeous! (My one friend and I have shared 5 guys). But you just deal with it, and you learn how to communicate when someone pisses you off.

I really didn't meant to get all sentimental on you, but I was just really thinking about this last night when I was at Sushi Rock. As always, we had a great time talking about our dating disasters, or successes, our jobs or lack of jobs, talking shit about some people not present.... ya know. Good old fashioned girl fun.Also, I showed my friends a myspace pic of Donald Trump's new gf on my phone and they all agreed that "she" looks like a horse, (actually, some said witch) and that no way is she as hot as me. I love them.

Also, since I'm on the subject I have to point out that we were a big group so we got stuck in the little room in the upstairs back of Sushi Rock and there was a table of hot guys right across from us. Then my friend went over to say hi to them and I found out that the hottest one is the boyfriend of a girl we are somewhat friends with, my friend who has been sitting next to me has slept with the other hot one, and the less hot one who had his back turned to us the whole time may/may not have been the guy that my other friend randomly slept with on a balcony one time. Sigh. I need a new town I think, I wish I didn't ♥ Cleveland so damn much!

♥ Miss Fabulous

To bang or not to bang?

2009-01-07T12:10:00.003-05:00

Now that I've vented my daily frustration with myself (below) I just wanted to share an interesting article I read this morning on the Frisky which is a great site BTW. It's about whether you should have sex on the first date. Now I've never had a rule one way or the other. I'm more of a "go with the flow" type of gal. However, I am guilty of this on several occasions especially when a few bottles of wine at dinner were involved. I've already stated that I'm a sexual person - I think we all get this by now, right? Well, this article makes a lot of good points, which if true, may explain a lot of my disasters like,

"If you’ve got that spark for someone, and you want it to continue, don’t f**k him on the first date. Yeah, you may not be getting laid in the first exact OMG moment that you want to, but since when do you take orders from your vagina?"

What happens when the "first date" is technically the drunken sex? I guess that situation is really doomed.

I'm thinking about making this my new dating rule.

♥ Miss Fabulous

What's wrong with me?

2009-01-07T10:56:00.006-05:00

So, I have this problem.... The problem is that guys I date have a bad habit of dating ugly and/or trashy girls after they date me. Now, I don't mean to sound egotistical but Miss Fabulous is considered by most to be quite a catch! For example:

I'm of average height and weight (even though I want to lose a few law school lbs);
I'm above average looking in my humble opinion (not a super model, but I have symmetrical facial features, perfect teeth, perfect skin and good hair, etc.);
I have big boobs (just sayin');
I'm a freakin' attorney (I don't have the $$$$ crazy job yet, but I'm actively looking);
I'm a Catholic girl, and while I admittedly don't agree with all the man made doctrine and organized religion bs, I have good values and believe my faith makes me a better person;
I'm independent - I've been financially independent since after high school graduation and I know how to pay bills, and get things done around my apartment;
I grew up in the 'hood (no offense to any suburbanites) but I come from a modest background, have always lived in diverse situations and am street smart because of it;
I love sports - I play sports, I watch sports, I follow sports;
I have no addictions or bad habits except for hair twirling and watching bad reality TV;
I know how to cook, and I love to clean;
I'm probably one of the nicest people you have ever met. I always give people a chance even if I've heard bad things from someone else, and I'm so very non-judgmental;
I love to have fun and party - and I love beer.

Perfect girl right? Well, I'm far from perfect, and God knows I have horrible taste in men and am sometimes loose with the goods, but I look good on paper. Anyways, for all of these reasons I always get really down on myself when guys I date end up with girls that are none of these things. Does anyone else have this problem?

Most recently I found out that Donald Trump stopped dating me because he met (or reconnected - may be an old friend/flame) with this girl who through our mutual friends I have found out is a 27 year-old single mother of 2 children with a crappy job. She lives in Olmsted Falls (you Ohioans can see how this is a negative) and has stringy bangs and a horse face. Now, granted, I don't know this girl, or her history with Donald Trump but I almost wish he was dating some tall skinny drop dead gorgeous blonde med student or something. I mean I don't know what this new girl has that I don't have unless she has a third tit on her back.

Now (I can read the comments now) I know that sometimes things aren't meant to be and just don't work out, etc etc blah blah blah, but I can't help but feel bad about this. Ladies, you get this right?

This has happened to me before. My only long term (Read: 3 years) bf ever, we'll call him The One because for the longest time I really thought he was "the one" has been known to frequent my favorite drinking establishments downtown and make out with ugly girls in my presence. My friends have come up to me after witnessing this behavior to tell me how embarassed they are for me that he is exhibiting such bad taste (let alone poor style for making out with girls on purpose in front of your ex).

I have 2 other ex bf's who dumped me and have since married girls who would scare small children. I think I'm just cursed or something.

You might think from this post (and my blog title) that maybe I'm just too cocky or full of myself, but the truth is I am neither of those things, and if anything is the matter it might be that in real life I actually struggle to be confident most of the time. Sometime when I'm dating someone I get so worked up about how they could possibly want to be with me that I think I drive people away. Systematic relationship destruction. I really need to work on this.

For now, I will just try to be as fabulous as possible and look for guys with better taste.

♥ Miss Fabulous

The Buckeyes make me sad, but Br♥mance makes me oh so happy!

2009-01-06T10:04:00.005-05:00

Don't judge me. I like bad reality TV. It doesn't take a law degree to figure out that it is bad. I like shows like The Hills and The City and Br♥mance and The Real Housewives of [insert metropolitan area/county here] because I like watching beautiful people who live fabulous lives. I don't envy them or aspire to be them (Read: There can never be a Real Housewives of Cleveland - we don't have a symbolic fruit to hold in the intro - we would have to hold guitars, sheets of steel, or leg lamps - and instead of champagne and fine wine we would drink Christmas Ale and other Great Lakes Brews). (Actually that sounds like a great show!)

Anyways, who thinks the Luke guy on Br♥mance is crazy hot? I just love dorky guys. Just sayin'. (Ok I'll stop.)

I seriously think that if and when the day comes that the reality TV trend is over I will need serious rehab.

No news on any of the ~~interesting~~ men in my life. I'm going to Sushi Rock tomorrow with 8 of my girls so maybe we'll bump into some young male professionals. (And by "bump into" I mean stare at from across the room of course.)

♥ Miss Fabulous

I really do have a life. I promise.

2009-01-04T22:40:00.005-05:00

I just realized that in the short time I've been writing these blogs I've been doing nothing but bitching about ~~asshole~~ guys. I don't call myself "Miss Fabulous" for nothing. I mean I really do have an interesting and fulfilling life. (It's just not always as entertaining as my crazy dating stories.)

Things I'm looking forward to this week:

The Fiesta Bowl - Go Buckeyes!! OH - IO!!
The gym - I will actually have some time to go this week, especially since I'm fully recovered from the plague that hit me over the Holidays. However, I'm not looking forward to sharing the gym with all the New Year's Resolution people who sign up for the free 30 days, but you get that every year.
TV- Br♥mance, The City, Nip/Tuck, Grey's Anatomy, The Office, etc. - NEW episodes this week!
Sushi Rock Wednesday. 1/2 off sushi, good drinks, my favorite ladies and maybe some good scenery.
My friend's jewlery party on Friday - I love these cheesy little mini soirees. It's a good excuse to get people together.
Saturday - my cousin's housewarming party during the day and my friends' graduation party at Around the Corner at night. Should be a crazy night! Maybe I'll meet some cool new guys. (No bringing home strange criminals from the bar!)

Add in some time on the Rockband world tour with my BFF (yes we're nerds!) and I think I'll be pretty busy this week especially added to a full week at work.

I mean who has time for a boyfriend? Honestly.

♥ Miss Fabulous

Well, that explains it...

2009-01-03T18:22:00.004-05:00

Just got done doing some facebooking when the mini-feed informed me that Donald Trump is "in a relationship." (Note: mini-feed doesn't differentiate between homosexual and heterosexual relationships.)

So, since him and I stoppped speaking a mere two weeks ago I can only assume that he was seeing her concurrently.. which is fine b/c we never had the "talk."

(Actually, it makes me sick to my stomach.)

In retrospect I know it wasn't right but it still sucks.

In better news I'm going to hangout with Airforce tonight. He's one of my oldest friends, and an old flame. He lives in Texas and is actually going back tomorrow.

Hope everyone has a great night!

♥ Miss Fabulous

New Year's Eve 2009 = EPIC FAIL

2009-01-01T22:01:00.008-05:00

Just when I'm all geared up to start 2009 on a good note things go horribly wrong, and I mean horribly.

So I met a guy at the bar last night - slightly after midnight. He was with his friends. He seemed nice, we bonded because we both currently work in government. He lives close, and was tall and cute. So I suggest that we go back to my apartment building to go to my BFF's apartment and play "Rockband." No one else wanted to go, so it was just us. BFF wasn't home - she was at work, but I have her keys, and her blessing to enter to use her Wii at my leisure.

So, guy (to be named later so as not to ruin the story) and I play Rockband and realize we are too drunk to play Rockband and retreat to my apartment.

Next morning BFF sends funny text about my late night Rockband session. Then calls soon after to ask who all was over and if I happened to see her brand new iPod Touch lying around b/c she cannot find it.

Overwhelmed with a gut wrenching sickness I tell her of course I saw it. It was right out on a table, totally not missable. I took notice of it b/c I have an iPhone and I thought for a split second it was my phone.

I run downstairs while the guy is still in my bed and alas the iPod is not there. I run back upstairs and my heart is beating. Like this asshole has just stolen BFF's brand new $300 iPod touch and what the fuck am I supposed to do now? So by this time he is up and in my bathroom so I fumble through his pants pockets (conveniently on my floor) and nothing. I check his shirt just as he walks in and I pretend to be straightening up. He's not acting weird so I just keep on praying that BFF calls to tell me she has found the iPod. I run into the other room and check his shoes. All signs negative. I am frantic and just have no idea what to do. Here I invited this outright stranger into my friend's apartment and he has apparently just stolen something from her. Who does that? Especially after I just got done raving to him about how this girl is my BFF/longest friend ever/soul mate, etc.

So as I am saying goodbye I seriously pat him down and NOTHING. I don't know where he has this thing but it has to be somewhere. Should I have confronted him? I thought that could get awkward and he was like 6'6" and probably had almost 100 pounds on me. I'm giving BFF one more day to locate the thing, but I'm afraid that this guy, who I'm going to officially call Clepto, has stolen it, and he's probably not going to call, and if he does I will call him a fucking slimy iPod thief and tell him I hope he chokes on it.

Guess I'm going to the Apple Store tomorrow.

Maybe this is God's way of telling me not to sleep with strangers. I think I may heed this warning.

♥ Miss Fabulous

And the winner is...

2008-12-30T11:26:00.005-05:00

I had a lot to choose from but if I had to pick just one winner for Mr. Dating Disaster 2008 it would have to be UVA. UVA wasn't even a dating disaster per se, but merely a one night hook up disaster. However, the impact of his disaster lasted for about a week and caused more trauma than most.

I met UVA at a softball tourney at the University of Virginia. He was actually the roomate of one of my teamates brought along to be an extra in case we needed him. He was not that cute at first, but after a night of partying in Virginia bars I didn't stop him when he wanted to make out with me. He actually ended up in my bed b/c his roomate was busy with my roomate in their room. Making out was fun. He seemed to have an ear fetish and I thought nothing of it. He just loved to kiss and suck on my ears. It was strange, but I was too drunk to even care.

The next morning we got up at the crack of dawn to get suited up for our long day of softball games and as I pulled my hair back my friend who was sharing the bathroom mirror with me was like "wtf is wrong with your ears?" My ear lobes were both so incredibly black and blue. I've never seen anything like it ever in my life. I mean, I had EAR HICKEYS. Seriously? Who does that? Hickeys in general are unacceptable in my book let alone on my freakin' ears! Worst part was that I can't exactly play softball with my long hair flying everywhere. My friend (God bless her soul) tried to help me cover it up with some concealer (I know it usually doesn't help, but I had to do something!). They were black and blue on both sides! and EVERYONE noticed. I almost felt bad for UVA b/c the guys were just ripping him apart.

I really wish I had taken pictures but at the time I was just so mortified. I could wait to get back to the hotel that night and pull my hair down and over my poor ears. The black and blue ears lasted for a whole week when we got home, and the humiliation will last a lifetime.

Needless to say I never talked to that boy again. I saw him a couple times at school functions he attended with his roomate and I just had so much anger bottled up inside I felt like it would be better for his health if I just avoided him.

So congratulations Mr. Ear Sucker, you just won the prized award of this year.

Happy New Year everyone!

♥ Miss Fabulous

One more thing...

2008-12-30T09:30:00.010-05:00

In honor of the outgoing year I've made a list of all my dating (or not so much dating but ya know...) disasters...complete with a brief one line summation of something I really wanted to say to them but never did. A fairwell of sorts. Out with the old, in with the new!

The Human Smooshmortion: I don't mean to be controversial here, but your length was such that I didn't even need a pap smear this year - in fact you may have actually ripped my uterus out one night which might explain why you abruptly stopped calling me - I would like it back please, along with the two months of my life I wasted on you.
Youngstown: I knew it was a bad idea to try to relive our past relationship, but sometimes bad feels so good - I still miss you.
The Cousin (not mine!): I wish I wouldn't have taken you to that Cavs game - what a waste of money.
East 4th: You are the slimiest creep I have ever met - but the sex was mind blowing - will you marry me?
Airforce: I'm glad we got to celebrate your recent divorce - I'm not saying goodbye to you, you are my friend for life.
The Russian: I'm sorry I didn't become your next tattoo - actually I'm not - but at least you have that dent in your car to remember me by.
Prius: I'm sorry I wasn't into you, you are a great guy and I wish you the best.
Monday Night Football: I will never forget the night the Browns beat the Giants - I couldn't walk for days - thank you for that.
Donald Trump: I'm really not sure why, but I thought I really liked you, I now think maybe I should get my head checked - also you should maybe think about coming out of any closets you may/may not be hiding in - just sayin'.
Sweet 16: I personally think it's normal and expected to have sex with the first person you ever had sex with 10 years later just to see how much we have learned - not that I would ever date you again...ever...as it seems that I have matured in these past 10 years and you have not.
Florida: I wish you didn't live in Florida.

What a sad list! I certainly need to raise the bar in 2009. Hope everyone has a fabulous NYE!!

♥ Miss Fabulous

Br♥mance

2008-12-29T21:06:00.004-05:00

While I lay on my couch trying to conserve all available energy strictly for rhinovirus recovery so that I can hit the dating scene (aka makeout scene) hard on NYE I am throughouly amused by MTV's new series starring Brody Jenner cleverly entitled "Br♥mance." I must add that I am also very much amused by Mr. Jenner himself. Isn't he delicious? I don't care if he's a douchebag nobody who lucked out with a gig in reality TV. (Perhaps my apparent affinity for dbags is the overall problem in my life.)

Back to reality... no guy news to share except for a few random friendly texts from Florida. All the hot guys in the world must sense the unattractrive snotty misery that is my life right now. I'm sure they'll start calling tomorrow. Until then...
♥ Miss Fabulous

Flavored condoms?

2008-12-28T19:20:00.006-05:00

I don't know how I left this out of my first post regarding Donald Trump, but the first time we had sex at his place he whipped out flavored condoms. This is the same guy who was incredibly boring and bad in bed. I made some sort of joke about them and he said that he grabs them off of bachelorette party goers out at the bar. (Was he serious?) But, anyways... flavored condoms?

One thing I should be up front about is that I always use condoms unless I'm in a committed relationship (See: my life over 3 years ago). I'm on nuva ring too because of its hormonal benefits and because I don't want to get pregnant right now under any circumstance. (This should be obvious based on the kinds of guys I date.) But, condoms are a MUST b/c STDs are totally not fabulous at all. **End PSA**

Anyways, I'm going to be honest - the flavored condoms freaked me out a bit. I mean, I know they are probably just as safe, but the idea is strange. Also, I prefer just the bare bones plain kind b/c I get recurrent UTIs and things like flavors and spremicides tend to trigger them. I mean I could even understand the flavored condoms if he was younger, but for a 27 year old man? It just doesn't make sense. Note: Just in case you are wondering I must add that I know for a fact that his affinity for flavored condoms was not in any way connected to the fact that he might actually want to go down on me after and enjoy the taste for himself. Because, he didn't. Not once.

♥ Miss Fabulous

The worst setup experience of my life...

2008-12-28T12:48:00.012-05:00

As my weekend winds down, Florida returns home, and my immune system battles the first cold I've had since May I wish to entertain you (hopefully) with the story of The Russian, who was the worst set up date I've ever experienced.

(Rewind back to late August/early September....) My friend called me one night super excited because her and her bf had just had an epiphany that I would be great for their "super cute" and very single friend. Enter The Russian. She suggested a double date at SouthSide in Tremont. Being one of my favorite places to be I quickly agreed. The Russian was indeed very good looking. He was very Russian (as if you couldn't already tell) as in he had a very euro look to him...even though he was technically American.

So, we all enjoyed a few bottles of wine and some great food at SouthSide and decided to get after dinner drinks at the Treehouse. I quickly noticed that my date seemed to be out drinking me 3:1. (That's a conservative estimate.) Before I knew it my friend and her bf were saying their goodbyes but insisted that The Russian and I stay out. I had driven with my friend, but alas The Russian had also driven and he so kindly offered to drive me back to my car that I had left at my friend's.

I decided to stick it out (poor choice #1). The Russian turned out to be quite a talker. In the next 30 minutes I learned that my date was not only Russian, but was also an atheist, a libertarian, and had two tattoos on his back that he "didn't want to talk about." Now, none of these things are really a deal breaker. Granted, I tend to be much more moderate in my values and beliefs but I don't automatically write people off because of theirs... However, this was our very first date... and it was really awkward to be discussing such things like religion, politics and crazy ex gf tattoos on our very first date/meeting ever.

Note: I forgot to mention that he was also unemployed at the time. (To his credit he was "actively looking" and did pay for our entire date even when I offered to buy an after dinner drink, but still I thought you might enjoy that nugget of information.)

Desperately trying to end the evening quickly after he told me I was pretty much crazy for believing in God (Note: I did not judge his beliefs at all) I suggested we leave. As I noticed him stumbling out the door I asked him if I should drive. He said no, and since it was a 5 minute drive (admittedly a stupid idea - #2) I get in the car. As he is trying to maneuver himself out of his parallel parking spot I am shocked to feel the car back right into something. I look and am horrified to see that we have hit a telephone pole. He looks to see that we just hit a pole (as opposed to another car or a person) and we pull away as if nothing happened.

Safely pulled up next to my car he makes it known that he doesn't want our lovely night to end as he proceeds to kiss me. I let him kiss me, but I did quickly retreat to my car.

Actually, the kiss was amazing. Like amazing in that it should be illegal to kiss that well. That's why against all better judgment I let him take me out again 2 days later (poor choice #3). We ended up back at SouthSide because he told me we were going to Lola but as he called me pre-date to iron things out I found out he didn't have reservations. Who doesn't know that you need reservations for nice restaurants on Friday nights?! The date was uneventful - except for the heated debates that he dragged me into regarding more of the same (Read: politics, religion, etc...)

After dinner and not wanting him to get drunk before attempting to drive me all the way home I suggest we grab a couple bottles of wine from the store and chill at my place. I was pretty much over this guy except I was still very attracted to him physically and I was giving my friend's usually good judgment a chance. Overwhelmed by his euro charm I ended up sleeping with him (poor choice #4) and let's just say that the sex was good but very rough. So rough that the hoo-ha became slightly injured. To spare you from TMI let's just say that sometimes during very rough sex, especially during a marathon session or multiple sessions, I have at times (2 to be exact) experienced a tear in a certain area that creates a very bloody and painful situation. Not really a tear per se, but it really looks like someone sliced me with a knife. (Maybe a better name for The Russian would be Razor Dick?)

Anyways, I felt horrible and tried to explain the situation but I thought he got grossed out, until a few minutes later when he asked me if it was cool to go again. Are you serious? He didn't understand that Britney was broken. It had just taken me 5 minutes to get it to stop bleeding and get some neosporin up in there. Instead of being genuinely concerned for the wound he inflicted on me he was actually annoyed that I couldn't have another go with him.

When I stopped by to see his place a couple days later after a Labor Day barbeque (bad idea #5) he wanted to have sex and I told him no because I was still healing. Hasn't this guy ever gotten a cut? Anyways, I never heard from him again. Actually that's a lie. I saw him a month later. He was tailgating pre-Browns game at Bob Golic's with his gf, whom according to facebook he's been "in a relationship" with since a week after our date. Her vagina is obviously made out of steel. Appropriately enough her hair looks like steel wool. Not that I'm jealous b/c she can have him, his razor dick and dented car.

Note: Just so you know this story represents some of the behaviors I am trying to change. I regret a lot about this situation after the first date. (Most everything except for the kiss.) Oh, and just so everyone can sleep well tonight Britney made her comeback and all is well.
♥ Miss Fabulous

"I knew I would meet someone I like up here."

2008-12-27T15:22:00.004-05:00

Well, I had a great date with Florida last night. This should be obvious because of the fact that he lives in Florida. We ate sushi and drank wine and then went a couple doors down to see his friend who was "spinning records." His friends were cool, of course we realized we had friends in common (this town is way small) and after a few shots and a few vodka sodas I ended up spending the night with him in his hotel. (Disclaimer - while I am trying to avoid this type of behavior I figure he doesn't really count because he lives in Florida.) We even got breakfast this morning and he pretended not to notice that I am apparently coming down with a cold and my nose would not stop running. He says he knew he would meet someone up here that he liked and he's sorry he's not staying longer. I'm just relieved that I'm capable of going on a good date and having fun and carrying a good conversation. (I was worried about some of these things post Donald Trump.)

In unrelated news, one of my oldest and dearest friends/childhood crush turned random hookups (who incidentally my BFF thinks, for various reasons I'm destined to marry) who I'll call Airforce is home for the Holidays and wants to hang out. Of course he does. Looks like I'm going to have a busy week. I hope this cold goes away quickly.
♥ Miss Fabulous

The Sunshine State

2008-12-26T12:44:00.005-05:00

Christmas Eve Eve in Cleveland was an icy weather disaster that almost put an early end to my pre-Christmas celebration. (Read: drunken foolishness with my friends) However, I put on my boots and slid my way to the bar. We went to Around the Corner, a classy neighborhood drinking establishment in hopes of socializing with a college break crowd. Instead I ended up meeting two guys, slightly older and home for the Holidays named Florida and California respectively for obvious reasons. I'm not sure if it was the Christmas Ale or what but Florida seemed somewhat cute and datable, so when he asked me out to dinner tonight I didn't even hesitate. Sure, he will be traveling back to his southern habitat in a matter of days, but I could use the practice. Besides, in the two days since we've met he's already been a better communicator than Donald Trump was over the course of two months. I'm not sure yet where we're going, but if he knows what is good for him it'll be a classy place and he will be a perfect gentleman. **UPDATE: Incoming text from Florida says Sushi Rock.** This guy is perfect. Of course he lives in Flordia I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.
♥ Miss Fabulous

Either you're gay or I'm just a whore...

2008-12-26T11:32:00.003-05:00

So, for the past two months I've been seeing someone who I shall refer to as Donald Trump. Donald Trump evidently has a lot of money, and likes to talk about it. This should have been a red flag, but besides that he was great on paper. He had a good job, good hygiene, Italian, Catholic, fairly attractive, etc. I met him at a party through mutual friends while highly intoxicated. Like usual I ended up taking him home and figured he would be just another poor choice to forget. But, he asked for my number and called me a couple days later to set up a date. The problem was the date was a wedding 4 weeks in the future. (Was this warning sign number 2?!) Put on the spot I agreed to go after confirming that the wedding was not a family wedding (I've gotten into that mess before). In the meantime we went out a few times. He was not much of a communication guy, but I was quick to forgive because when we did spend time together we had fun, and he liked to hang out with me in a fully clothed state, and this is rare.

Anyways, the sex was bad - like super bad in a I thought it really would get better and never did sorta bad. He was boring and when I tried to spice things up he acted annoyed and looked at me like no straight man would look at a girl in such a situation. As the weeks went by and his hot/cold tendencies proved to be more cold than hot I couldn't understand why this guy who seemingly had no interest in sleeping with me, and no interest in making an emotional connection with me would still even make a half assed effort to talk to me. And then it really made me question whether he was having issues with his sexuality, or if I was being too much of a whore. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a very sexual person, but I've never found this to be a problem, at least as far as random hookups were concerned. Is it possible to be too slutty for a real relationship? I mean, we're not talking about anything freaky, but just a healthy sexual energy. On the other hand, he was very defensive when his friends joked about his sexuality after he spent $1500 on a Versace blazer on Black Friday, and he was super uncomfortable when discussing his Mom, who is a lesbian and has a life partner. (Red flags??)

Last week Donald Trump apparently decided he was over it. Of course I'm just speculating based on the 6 hours it took him to respond to my last text, and the lame excuse he gave for not wanting to hang out. I have to point out that this was the first time in 3 years and a whole list of guys that I was even considering settling down and getting involved in a relationship. I really did like him, or at least the idea of him. I also really felt like I had lowered my standards, and had come to peace with it. (This may be why I'm trying to make him gay to explain away the surprise rejection.) This disaster has since inspired me to give up some of my crazy party girl habits and take a different approach to dating. I'm going to try to go on a lot of dates and do things the right way. I think I need a lot of practice. This should get interesting. Lucky you.
♥ Miss Fabulous