In honor of the outgoing year I've made a list of all my dating (or not so much dating but ya know...) disasters...complete with a brief one line summation of something I really wanted to say to them but never did. A fairwell of sorts. Out with the old, in with the new!
♥ Miss Fabulous
- The Human Smooshmortion: I don't mean to be controversial here, but your length was such that I didn't even need a pap smear this year - in fact you may have actually ripped my uterus out one night which might explain why you abruptly stopped calling me - I would like it back please, along with the two months of my life I wasted on you.
- Youngstown: I knew it was a bad idea to try to relive our past relationship, but sometimes bad feels so good - I still miss you.
- The Cousin (not mine!): I wish I wouldn't have taken you to that Cavs game - what a waste of money.
- East 4th: You are the slimiest creep I have ever met - but the sex was mind blowing - will you marry me?
- Airforce: I'm glad we got to celebrate your recent divorce - I'm not saying goodbye to you, you are my friend for life.
- The Russian: I'm sorry I didn't become your next tattoo - actually I'm not - but at least you have that dent in your car to remember me by.
- Prius: I'm sorry I wasn't into you, you are a great guy and I wish you the best.
- Monday Night Football: I will never forget the night the Browns beat the Giants - I couldn't walk for days - thank you for that.
- Donald Trump: I'm really not sure why, but I thought I really liked you, I now think maybe I should get my head checked - also you should maybe think about coming out of any closets you may/may not be hiding in - just sayin'.
- Sweet 16: I personally think it's normal and expected to have sex with the first person you ever had sex with 10 years later just to see how much we have learned - not that I would ever date you again...ever...as it seems that I have matured in these past 10 years and you have not.
- Florida: I wish you didn't live in Florida.
♥ Miss Fabulous
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